sex life takes work, but as one of the great pleasures of adulthood,
well worth the effort. Here are some words of advice from the experts:
your partner know who you are sexually and what you want. If you
of letting sleeping dogs lie in the interest of domestic smoothness,
may have to do some relationship housecleaning to undo old behaviors
attitudes. No garter belt or sexual paraphemalia is going to change
sex life if there is no honest communication.
out of your comfort zone. Achieving the sex life you want requires
strength to change the rules of your relationship - often with a
partner. Be willing to tolerate the uneasiness that change brings and
back off or attack your partner if he/she doesn't respond the way you
and don't take it as a personal rejection. Fear is a strong motivator
cling to the status quo.
honor and negotiate. Foreplay is more than arousal technique; it's
that determines the intimacy, eroticism and meaningfulness of the "main
event" that follows. If you want your sex to be the most intimate thing
two people can do, you had better start during foreplay. Follow the
connection between you to figure out what to do next, instead of
on your technique or standard sexual repertoire.
Pay attention to the partner in your
having sex with the fantasy in your head, and pay attention to the
in your bed. If you want intimate sex, look at your partner and invite
him or her to get lost in your eyes and soul. With experience, you may
reach orgasm looking into each other's eyes during sex. You get there
repeatedly taking your partner into your mind and heart during
rather than focusing on orgasm.