Building a satisfying sex life takes work, but as one of the great pleasures of adulthood, it's well worth the effort. Here are some words of advice from the experts:

Let your partner know who you are sexually and what you want.

If you have history of letting sleeping dogs lie in the interest of domestic smoothness, you may have to do some relationship housecleaning to undo old behaviors and attitudes. No garter belt or sexual paraphemalia is going to change your sex life if there is no honest communication.

Move out of your comfort zone.

Achieving the sex life you want requires the strength to change the rules of your relationship - often with a reluctant partner. Be willing to tolerate the uneasiness that change brings and don't back off or attack your partner if he/she doesn't respond the way you hoped and don't take it as a personal rejection. Fear is a strong motivator to cling to the status quo.

Love, honor and negotiate.

Foreplay is more than arousal technique; it's a negotiation that determines the intimacy, eroticism and meaningfulness of the "main event" that follows. If you want your sex to be the most intimate thing two people can do, you had better start during foreplay. Follow the emotional connection between you to figure out what to do next, instead of focusing on your technique or standard sexual repertoire.

Pay attention to the partner in your bed.

Stop having sex with the fantasy in your head, and pay attention to the partner in your bed. If you want intimate sex, look at your partner and invite him or her to get lost in your eyes and soul. With experience, you may reach orgasm looking into each other's eyes during sex. You get there by repeatedly taking your partner into your mind and heart during intercourse rather than focusing on orgasm.

"Marriage is a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy." (www.romwell.com)

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