Humor & Jokes About Marriage

HE—"But what reason have you for refusing to marry me?"

SHE—"Papa objects. He says you are an actor."

HE—"Give my regards to the old boy and tell him I'm sorry he isn't a newspaper critic."

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: 

-In the FIRST year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. 

-In the SECOND year, the women speaks and the man listens. 

-In the THIRD year, they both speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.

At bedtime, the amorous husband prepared two aspirins and a glass of water for his wife. 

"What is this for?" 

"For your headache, dear." 

"But I don't have a headache." 

"Good."

A candidate came home one night and gave his wife the glorious news. 

"Darling, I've been elected!" 

"Honestly.?" she replied exuberantly. 

"Hey," he said, "why bring that up?"

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. (Doug Larson)

I love being married.  It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. (Judith Viorst)

"The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead." (Ann Landers)

"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."  (Johnny Carson)

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. (W. Somerset Maugham)