Good Thing
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. 
The blonde says: "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!"

No, but...
A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was looking for, and went to go pay for them. The clerk asked her, "Need a screw for those hinges?" "No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?" 
Three Women
There were three women stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. 
The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. 

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. "I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more  endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired.  After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. 

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!  I think  I'd better try to make it, too."  So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.  The shore was just in sight,  but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"  So she swam back.

Dead Birdie
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" 
What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins? 
He wanted to know who the other man was... 

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Friend: "Good Heavens, woman! I saw your obituary in this morning's paper!"

Blonde Opera Singer: "Yes, I know. I put it in myself. My opera is to be produced to-night, and I want good notices from the critics."
"Advertising costs me a lot of money."

"Why I never saw your goods advertised."

"They aren't. But, look over there, that pretty blonde is my new wife, she reads other people's ads."
In certain parts of the Western U.S., where without irrigation the cultivators of the land would be in a bad shape, the light rains that during the growing season fall from time to time, are appreciated to a degree that is unknown in the East.

Last summer a blonde fruit grower who owns fifty acres of orchards was rejoicing in one of these precipitation of moisture, when her hired man, originally from East, came into the house.

"Why don't you stay in out of the rain?" asked the fruit-grower.
"I don't mind a little dew like this," said the man. "I can work along just the same."

"Oh, I'm not talking about that," exclaimed the blonde fruit-grower. "The next time it rains, you can come into the house. I want that water on the land."