GOLFERS UNLIMITED

Did you hear about the politically correct country golf club?
They no longer refer to their golfers as having handicaps. Instead, they're "stroke challenged."

SENIOR GOLFERS A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"

CADDIES An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers!
The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices."
The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a ten spot. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."
Two holes further along the Irish man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.
"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."
With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a five spot. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."
Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others: Simply a lack of allowance.
The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. At least you can tidy yourself up a bit."

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SHE: "How'd your doctor's appointment go?"
HE: "Well, there's good news and bad news. My blood pressure's toohigh, and I'm overweight. But, at the doctor's suggestion, I'm going to take up golf!"
SHE: "And the good news?"

SELF CONTROL Greg took up golf. One day when he was playing even worse than usual, he decided to explain his predicament to his teenage caddie: "I took up golf to practise self-control."
The youngster rolled his eyes and replied, "If that's the case, you should have gone in for caddying."

As two golfers approached the first hole, a pack of dogs began to run and play in the fairway.
The first man teed up, yelled "28!" and hit his shot straight down the middle. The dogs scattered before the ball landed.
"Twenty-eight?" his partner said.
"Why did you yell that?"
"It's 'Fore!' in dog years," the first golfer replied.