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12 Reasons Why God Created Dogs

12 Reasons Why God Created Dogs calendar offers a year’s worth of visual treats and fun for all dog-lovers. This 13 months wall calendar features daily grids with ample room for jotting appointments, birthdays and reminders; U.S. holidays and Canadian holidays in French and English.

HUMOR ABOUT DOGS

A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with
the dog when you are just as hungry as the dog. (Jack London)

FLUFFY This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?". The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?". The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

COMMAND PERFORMANCE A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered away from them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted angrily: "Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back over to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the bus stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.

TWO FRIENDS Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his pessimistic friend out of his way of continual pessimistic way of thinking. The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist shot down a duck...the dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The Optimist looked at his Pessimist friend and said, "What do you think about that?"
The Pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?"

CLEVER DOG A wife says to her husband one morning, "Darling we've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "Yes, but we've never subscribed to any!"

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DACHSHUNDS

A little boy was entertaining the minister until his mother could finish her phone conversation. The minister, to make congenial conversation, inquired: "Have you a dog?"

"Yes, sir; a dachshund," responded the little boy.

"Where is he?" questioned the minister, knowing the way to a boy's heart.

"Father sends him away for the winter. He says it takes him so long to go in and out of the door he cools the whole house off."

On Kids Way

Many a great man has been given credit as originator of this cynical sentiment:
"The more I see of men, the more I respect dogs."

Political Jokes

MONOLOGUE TO DOG

The meditative immigrant from Holland delivered a monologue to his dog: "You vas only a dog, but I vish I vas you. Ven you go your bed in, you shust turn round dree times and lie down; ven I go de bed in, I haf to lock up the blace, and vind up de clock, and put out de cat, and undress myself, and my vife vakes up and scolds, and den de baby vakes and cries and I haf to valk him de house around, and den maybe I get myself to bed in time to get up again. "Ven you get up you shust stretch yourself, dig your neck a little, and you vas up. I haf to light de fire, put on de kiddle, scrap some vit my vife, and get myself breakfast. You be lays round all day and haf blenty of fun. I haf to vork all day and have blenty of drubble. Ven you die, you vas dead; ven I die, I haf to go somewhere again."