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Wedding & Marriage Humor
Dear, did you hear about a new doll, Divorce
Barbie?
It comes with all of Ken's stuff!
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AFFAIR
"The thrill is gone from my
marriage," Brian
told his best friend Mike.
"Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an
affair?"
his friend suggested.
"But what if my wife finds out?"
"Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st
centrury, Brian.
Go ahead and tell her about it!"
So Brian went home and said, "Dear, I think an
affair will bring
us closer together."
"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that
many times -
it never worked." |
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FEAR
"Why are they not speaking?"
"They were arguing about which loved the other more."
"Well!"
"And now each is afraid to give in for fear of offending
the other." |
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Mrs. Newlywed: "What
does that inscription mean on that ring
you gave
me, dear?"
Mr. Newlywed:
"'Faithful to the last,' my dear!"
Mrs. Newlywed: "Oh!
how could you? You always said I was the
first." |
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DISCRETION
Miss Smith:
"I am glad to hear that you are married,
John,
and hope
that you and Bridget don't have many differences of opinion."
John: "Faith,
ma'am, we have a good many, but I don't
let
her know
about them." |
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"I really believe he married her only because he wanted
a good
housekeeper."
"And now I suppose he wishes he could give her a month's
warning." |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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WEDDING
INVITATIONS
An
actor who was married recently for the third time, and whose bride
had been married once before, wrote across the bottom of the wedding
invitations: "Be sure and come; this
is
no amateur performance." |
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NOT A JOKE
The best man noticed that one of the
wedding guests, a
gloomy-looking
young man, did not seem to be enjoying himself. He was wandering about
as though he had lost his last friend. The best man took it upon
himself
to cheer him up.
"Er—have you kissed the bride?" he asked jokingly.
"Not lately," replied the gloomy one with a far-away expression.
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SIGNIFICANCE OF WHITE
The curate of a large church was endeavoring to
teach
the significance of white to a Sunday-school class.
"Why," said he, "does a bride invariably
desire to be clothed in
white
at her marriage?"
As no one answered, he explained. "White,"
said he, "stands for joy,
and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life."
A small boy queried, "Why do the men all
wear black?" |
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IN THAT CASE
She: "When one is really thirsty, there
is nothing so good as
pure,
cold water."
He: "I guess I have never
been really thirsty." |
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SLIGHTED
Husband:
"I sincerely regret our misunderstanding, Britney, and am quite
ready
to be friends again."
Wife: "Misunderstanding,
indeed! If you had any feeling
you'd call it a
quarrel." |
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Staggering
in from their tenth anniversary dinner,
the besotted husband collapsed in a chair and let out a stentorian
belch.
"That's it George ! I've had it this time. " his wife screamed. "I'm
cutting you off forever."
"That's impossible," he replied, "you don't even
know where
I'm getting it." |
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