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Wedding & Marriage Humor

Dear, did you hear about a new  doll, Divorce Barbie?
It comes with all of
Ken's stuff!


"The thrill is gone from my marriage,"
Brian told his best friend Mike.
"Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?" his friend suggested.
"But what if my wife finds out?"
"Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and tell her about it!"
So Brian went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."
"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that many times - it never worked."


"Why are they not speaking?"
"They were arguing about which loved the other more."
"And now each is afraid to give in for fear of offending the other."

Mrs. Newlywed: "What does that inscription mean on that ring you gave me, dear?"
Mr. Newlywed: "'Faithful to the last,' my dear!"
Mrs. Newlywed: "Oh! how could you? You always said I was the first."


Miss Smith: "I am glad to hear that you are married, John, and hope that you and Bridget don't have many differences of opinion."
John: "Faith, ma'am, we have a good many, but I don't let her know about them."

"I really believe he married her only because he wanted a good housekeeper."
"And now I suppose he wishes he could give her a month's warning."

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An actor who was married recently for the third time, and whose bride had been married once before, wrote across the bottom of the wedding invitations: "Be sure and come; this is no amateur performance."
* * *

The best man noticed that one of the wedding guests, a gloomy-looking young man, did not seem to be enjoying himself. He was wandering about as though he had lost his last friend. The best man took it upon himself to cheer him up.
"Er—have you kissed the bride?" he asked jokingly.
"Not lately," replied the gloomy one with a far-away expression.
* * *

The curate of a large church was endeavoring to teach the significance of white to a Sunday-school class.

"Why," said he, "does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?"
As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life."
A small boy queried, "Why do the men all wear black?"
* * *

She: "When one is really thirsty, there is nothing so good as pure, cold water."
He: "I guess I have never been really thirsty."
* * *

Husband: "I sincerely regret our misunderstanding, Britney, and am quite ready to be friends again."

Wife: "Misunderstanding, indeed! If you had any feeling you'd call it a quarrel."
* * *
Staggering in from their tenth anniversary dinner, the besotted husband collapsed in a chair and let out a stentorian belch. 
"That's it George ! I've had it this time. " his wife screamed. "I'm cutting you off forever." 
"That's impossible," he replied, "you don't even know where I'm getting it."