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Humor & Jokes Unlimited - Other Humor 1

Two tomatoes were walking over the street, one in front of the other and the first one was frustrated with how slow the other one was. When they crossing the street, the second tomato was run over by a car, and the other one replied 


Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." 
Salesman: Certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or
all male or all female? 
Newfie: I don't care. I just want 4 budgies! 
Salesman: Certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr... 
Newfie: I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a 
box for me. Is that too hard? 
Salesman: O.K. O.K.

The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom. 

The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says "What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be!"

Rabbit Story

One guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?". The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?". The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!" 



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When principal was addressing the graduating class of a large eastern college for women, he began his remarks with the usual salutation, "Young ladies of '99." Then in a horrified aside he added, "That's an awful age for a girl!"

Medical Humor & Jokes

Two old salts who had spent most of their lives on fishing smacks had an argument one day as to which was the better mathematician. Finally the captain of their ship proposed the following problem which each would try to work out: 'If a fishing crew caught 500 pounds of cod and brought their catch to port and sold it at 6 cents a pound, how much would they receive for the fish?

Well, the two old fellows got to work, but neither seemed able to master the intricacies of the deal in fish, and they were unable to get any answer.

At last old Bill turned to the captain and asked him to repeat the problem. The captain started off: 'If a fishing crew caught 500 pounds of cod and—.'

"'Wait a moment,' said Bill, 'is it codfish they caught?'

"'Yep,' said the captain.

"'Darn it all,' said Bill. 'No wonder I couldn't get an answer. Here I've been figuring on salmon all the time.'"