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Humor & Jokes Unlimited - Other Humor 2

Race Eh?

A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive.  He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready. 
 The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie. 
The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?" 

Good News

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: 
"Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1989." 
"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. 
"No," said the husband, "a 1989 Cadillac."

Woman Of His Dreams

A  young  man  called  his  mother  and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.
"Now what should I do?"
His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" 
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. 
His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. 
"I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." 
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. 
"We hadn't started eating yet."



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I am a great friend to public amusements; for they keep people from vice.—Samuel Johnson.

Medical Humor & Jokes

Charlie and Nancy had quarreled. After their supper Mother tried to re-establish friendly relations. She told them of the Bible verse, "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath."
"Now, Charlie," she pleaded, "are you going to let the sun go down on your wrath?"
Charlie squirmed a little. Then:
"Well, how can I stop it?"


The absentminded inventor perfected a new parachute device. He was taken up in a balloon to make a test of the new device. Arrived at a height of a thousand feet, he climbed over the edge of the basket, and dropped out. He had fallen two hundred yards when he remarked to himself, in a tone of deep regret:
"Dear me! I've gone and forgotten my parachute."

Golfers Humor