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Humor
& Jokes Unlimited - Other Humor 3
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He (dejectedly):
"I'm sure I don't see why our parents
won't give
their consent. I consider their conduct is cruel."
She: "Oh, dear! How
can you expect old fogies like they are
to know
anything about love?" |
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SOMEBODY
REALLY IMPORTANT!
The pope was on a trip to
California. He got a
very sporty pope-mobile for this trip. He begged the chauffeur to let
him
drive.
Finally the chauffeur gave in and
let the
pope drive.
Of course, the pope went crazy and
was going
too fast. Finally he ran a stop light and was pulled over by a
policeman.
The cop called his station to ask
them what
to do because he just pulled over somebody very, very important.
His sergeant asked who, our mayor,
a movie
star, or what??
The cop replied, " Well I'm not
sure who,
but he must be really important because the pope is his
chauffeur!!" |
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All In One Breath
Wife:
"I'm afraid you'll think me rather extravagant, dear,
but I
spent hundred dollars to-day on a boat, and a train, and a fire-engine,
and
a box of soldiers, and some nine pins for Bill's birthday. By the
way, what are you going to buy him?" |
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Wrong End
Two newfies are building a house. One of them is
putting on the siding.
He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it
away.
Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This
goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why
he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those ones
were pointed on the wrong end."
The buddy gets exasperated and says "You
idiot, those are for the other
side of the house!" |
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During The Argument
He:
"But if you will allow me to——"
She: "Oh! I know
what you are going to say, but you're quite
mistaken
and I can prove it." |
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BAGGAGE
An Aberdonian went to spend a few days in
London with his son, who
had done exceptionally well in the great metropolis. After their first
greetings at King's Cross Station, the young fellow remarked: "Feyther,
you are not lookin' weel. Is there anything the matter?" The old man
replied,
"Aye, lad, I have had quite an accident." "What was that, feyther?"
"Mon,"
he said, "on this journey frae bonnie Scotland I lost my luggage."
"Dear,
dear, that's too bad; 'oo did it happen?" "Aweel" replied the
Aberdonian,
"the cork cam' oot." |
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AMBITIONS
"Were any of your boyish ambitions ever
realized?" asked the
sentimentalist.
"Yes," replied the practical person. "When my mother used to cut my
hair I often wished I might be bald-headed." |
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BLIND
A shopkeeper with no conscience put by his
door a box with a slit in
the
cover and a label reading, "For the Blind." A month later, the box
disappeared. When some one inquired concerning it, the shopkeeper
chuckled, and pointed to the window.
"I collected enough," he explained. "There's the new blind." |
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