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Humor & Jokes Unlimited - Other Humor 3

He (dejectedly): "I'm sure I don't see why our parents won't give their consent. I consider their conduct is cruel."
She: "Oh, dear! How can you expect old fogies like they are to know anything about love?"


The pope was on a trip to California. He got a very sporty pope-mobile for this trip. He begged the chauffeur to let him drive. 
Finally the chauffeur gave in and let the pope drive. 
Of course, the pope went crazy and was going too fast. Finally he ran a stop light and was pulled over by a policeman. 
The cop called his station to ask them what to do because he just pulled over somebody very, very important. 
His sergeant asked who, our mayor, a movie star, or what?? 
The cop replied, " Well I'm not sure who, but he must be really important because the pope is his chauffeur!!" 

All In One Breath

Wife: "I'm afraid you'll think me rather extravagant, dear, but I spent hundred dollars to-day on a boat, and a train, and a fire-engine, and a box of soldiers, and some nine pins for Bill's birthday. By the way, what are you going to buy him?"

Wrong End

Two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." 
The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!" 

During The Argument

He: "But if you will allow me to——"
She: "Oh! I know what you are going to say, but you're quite mistaken and I can prove it."



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An Aberdonian went to spend a few days in London with his son, who had done exceptionally well in the great metropolis. After their first greetings at King's Cross Station, the young fellow remarked: "Feyther, you are not lookin' weel. Is there anything the matter?" The old man replied, "Aye, lad, I have had quite an accident." "What was that, feyther?" "Mon," he said, "on this journey frae bonnie Scotland I lost my luggage." "Dear, dear, that's too bad; 'oo did it happen?" "Aweel" replied the Aberdonian, "the cork cam' oot."


"Were any of your boyish ambitions ever realized?" asked the sentimentalist. "Yes," replied the practical person. "When my mother used to cut my hair I often wished I might be bald-headed."

A shopkeeper with no conscience put by his door a box with a slit in the cover and a label reading, "For the Blind." A month later, the box disappeared. When some one inquired concerning it, the shopkeeper chuckled, and pointed to the window.
"I collected enough," he explained. "There's the new blind."