How
To Freak Out People While Ordering A Pizza
|
| 1. Do not
name the toppings
you want. Rather, spell them out. |
| 2. Make
up a charge-card
name. Ask if they accept it. |
| 3.
Terminate the call with,
"Remember, we never had this conversation." |
| 4.
Rattle off your order
with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with
that, panic and become disoriented. |
| 5. Order a
Big Mac Extra
Value Meal. |
| 6. Tell
the order taker
a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the
lowest
bidder. |
| 7. Give
them your address,
exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up. |
| 8.
Answer their questions
with questions. |
| 9. Change
your accent every
three seconds. |
| 10.Use
these bonus words
while ordering: FAT FREE SPIRITED COST - EFFICIENT
INTERNATIONAL
PIZZA. |
| 11. Tell
them to put the
crust on top this time. |
| 12.
Sing the order to
the tune of your favorite song. |
| 13. Use CB
lingo where applicable. |
| 14. Put
an extra edge
in your voice when you say "crazy bread." |
| 15.
Stutter on the letter
"p." |
| 16. Ask
for a deal available
somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a
Cheeser!
Cheeser!) |
| 17. Ask
what the order taker
is wearing. |
| 18.
Crack your knuckles
into the receiver. |
| 19. Say
hello, act stunned
for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. |
| 20. If
using a touch-tone,
press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the
order
to stop doing that. |
| 21. Tell
the order taker
you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up. |
| 22.
Make a list of exotic
cuisines. Order them as toppings. |
| 23. In
your breathiest voice,
tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have
something
outlandishly sinful. |
| 24.
Order 52 pepperoni
slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you
are
about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. |
| 25. Act
like you know the
order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed - Wetters' Camp, right?" |
| 26.
Start your order
with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No,
I don't." |
| 27. If
they repeat the order
to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please
pull
up to the first window." |
| 28.
Rent a pizza. |
| 29. Order
while using an
electric knife sharpener. |
| 30. Ask
if you get to
keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of
relief. |
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