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How
To Freak Out People While Ordering A Pizza Cont...
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| 31. Put
the accent on the
last syllable of"pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. |
| 32.
Have your pizza "shaken,
not stirred." |
| 33. Tell
them to double-check
to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. |
| 34.
Move the mouthpiece
farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends,
jerk
the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your
lungs. |
| 35. Say
"Are you sure this
is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this!
You've
got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer prrof that it
is, in fact, (Pizza Place). start to cry and ask "Do you know
what
its like to be lied to?" |
| 36. Say
it's your anniversary
and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting
for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her. |
| 37.
Eliminate verbs from
your speech. |
| 38.
Psychoanalyze the
order taker. |
| 39. Play a
sitar in the
background. |
| 40.
Imitate the order
taker's voice. |
|
| 41. Order
pizza without
sugar. |
| 42. Ask
to see a menu. |
| 43. Amuse
the order taker
with little-known facts about country music. |
| 44. Say
you'll be able
to pay for this when the movie people call back. |
| 45. Ask if
they have any
idea what is at stake with this pizza. |
| 46. Ask
what topping
goes best with well-aged Chardonnay. |
| 47. Belch
directly into
the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed. |
| 48.
Order a slice, not
a whole pizza. |
| 49. Shout
"I'm through with
men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!" |
| 50.
Doze off in the middle
of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are
you?" |
| 51. When
they say "What
would you like? "say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now." |
| 52. Ask
what their phone
number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again |
| 53. Order
two toppings,
then say, "No, they'll start fighting." |
| 54.
Learn to properly
pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in
the
pizza. |
| 55. Call
to complain about
service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean
it. |
| 56.
Tell the order taker
to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's or she's
fired. |
| 57. Start
the conversation
with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!" |
| 58. Use
expletives like
"Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town." |
| 59. Ask
for the guy who
took your order last time. |
| 60. If
he/she suggests
anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet
words." |
| 61. Wonder
aloud if you
should trim those nose hairs. |
| 62. Try
to talk while
drinking something. |
| 63. Report
a petty theft
to the order taker. |
| 64. Ask
if the pizza
is organically grown. |
| 65. Ask
about pizza maintenance
and repair. |
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