Old Skiers Never Die. They Just go Downhill.
 "Stupid" is a boundless concept.
 My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student.
 A pessimist is never disappointed.
 I  May Be Fat but You're Ugly - and I Can Lose Weight.
 Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
 Quit Sniveling.
 The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
 A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
 A day not wasted is a day wasted!
 Smile - Its The Second Best Thing you can do with Your Lips.
 Women do come with instructions; ask them.
 Stupid People Shouldn't Breed.
 Without Time, everything would happen at once.
 Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can.
 Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
 Ask First If The Animal Wants To Be Killed.
 My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
 Disarm Rapists.
Confession is good for the soul, but it's bad for the reputation.
 Have You Flogged Your Crew Today?
 This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random.
 Happiness is the Ball in the Fairway.
 Happiness is Coming.
Commit Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.
Wanted! A housekeeping man by a business woman. Object matrimony.
My Mother was a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips.
Cats Flattened While You Watch.
 If You Love Jesus Tithe - Any Fool Can Honk.
 Illiterate? Call This Number for Help...
 I  brake for Hallucinations.
Camp life is just one canned thing after another.
To our Fat Friends: May their shadows never grow less.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 
If you want to make a living you have to work for it, if you want to get rich find some other way.


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"How fast is your car, Jim?" asked Mark.

"Well," said Jim, "it keeps about four years ahead of my income generally."
TEACHER—"If a man saves $200 a week, how long will it take him to save a $20,000?"

STUDENT—"He never would, ma'am. After he got $12,000 he'd buy a car."
Political Jokes
One English gentleman finally took all the disabled umbrellas to the repairer.

Next morning on his way to his office, when he got up to leave the bus, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him, for he was in the habit of carrying one.

The woman cried "Stop thief!" rescued her umbrella and covered the man with shame and confusion.

That same day, he stopped at the repairer, and received all eight of his umbrellas duly restored. As he entered a bus, with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold glaring at him the lady of his morning adventure.

Her voice came to him charged with a withering scorn: "Huh! Had a good day, didn't you!"