CARNAC UNLIMITED - QUESTION: What happens to liars when they die? ANSWER: They lie still.

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Mark Twain at a dinner at the Authors' Club said: "Speaking of fresh eggs, I am reminded of the town of Squash. In my early lecturing days I went to Squash to lecture in Temperance Hall, arriving in the afternoon. The town seemed very poorly billed. I thought I'd find out if the people knew anything at all about what was in store for them. So I turned in at the general store. 'Good afternoon, friend,' I said to the general storekeeper. 'Any entertainment here tonight to help a stranger while away his evening?'

The general storekeeper, who was sorting mackerels, straightened up, wiped his briny hands on his apron, and said: 'I expect there's goin' to be a lecture. I've been sellin' eggs all day."

An American friend of famous Edmond Rostand says that the great dramatist once told him of a curious encounter he had had with a local magistrate in a town not far from his own. It appears that Rostand had been asked to register the birth of a friend's newly arrived son.

The clerk at the registry office was an officious little chap, bent on carrying out the letter of the law. The following dialogue ensued:
"Your name, sir?"
"Edmond Rostand."
"Vocation?"
"Man of letters, and member of the French Academy."
"Very well, sir. You must sign your name. Can you write? If not, you may make a cross."

The blonde called in panic for her young son. Then she searched the ground floor, the first story, the second, and the attic—all in panic.

Finally, she climbed to the trap door in the roof, pushed it open, and cried: "Henry, are you out there?"

An answer came clearly: "No, mother. Have you looked in the basement?"