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COMPUTER
VIRUSES
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| VIRUS ALERT Suggest
immediately scan your computer for the following viruses: |
| A |
| ADAM AND
EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your
Apple. |
AIRLINE
LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data
is in Singapore.
|
ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays
resident. It'll
be back.
|
AT&T
VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what
great service
you are getting.
|
| ATTORNEY
VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with
money and think
it's an attorney. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will harm your
customers. |
| B |
| BACKSPACE
VIRUS: Your PC erase character behind
computer. It makes a lot of women mad just thinking about it. |
BOBBIT
VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk
then re-attachs
it. (But that part will never work again.)
|
| C |
CLEVELAND
INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine
perform like a 286/AT.
|
| CHICAGO
CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and
comes in last
in the reviews, but you still love it. |
CONGRESSIONAL
VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen
splits eratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for
the problem.
|
| CONGRESSIONAL
VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard
drive simultaneously,
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. |
| D |
| DAN QUAYLE
VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning
any child processes
without joining into a binary network. |
| DAN QUAYLE
VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong with your
computer, ewe
just can't figyour out watt. |
| E |
| ELVIS
VIRUS: Your PC gets fat, slowand lazy, then
selfdestructs;
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America. |
| F |
FEDERAL
BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into
hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim
to
be the most important part of your computer.
|
| FREUDIAN
VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with
marrying its own
motherboard. |
| G |
GALLUP
VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will
lose 38 percent
of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
margin
of error.)
|
GEORGE
BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read
my docs... No
new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free
space on your hard drive with new
files, then blames it on the Congrssional Virus.
|
| GOVERNMENT
ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
diagnostic
software says everything is fine. |
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NEXT
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