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Deep Young Thoughts 
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?--Age 15

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. --Age 10

Home is where the house is. --Age 6

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. --Age 13

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6

My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth -- that most of us go to hell and burn eternally -- but I didn't want to upset him. --Age 10

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower. --Age 11 

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. --Age 14

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. --Age 7

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. --Age 8

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. --Age 5

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with!--Age 6

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15



Send a link or joke to a friend
The new maid, who had come into the household during the holidays, asked her boss:
"Where ban your son? I not seeing him round no more."

"My son," replied the boss pridefully. "Oh, he has gone back to Yale. He could only get away long enough to stay until New Year's day, you see. I miss him dreadfully, tho."

"Yas, I knowing yoost how you feel. My brother, he ban in yail sax times since Tanksgiving."
Political Jokes
TEACHER: "How many zones has the earth?"
STUDENT: "Five."
TEACHER: "Correct. Name them."
STUDENT: "Temperate zone, intemperate, canal, horrid, and zero."
On Kids Way
Here's to the world, the merry old world,
To its days both bright and blue;
Here's to our future, be it what it may,
And here's to my best—that's you!

A child of strict and religious parents, whose greatest joy had been the weekly prayer meeting, was taken by its baby-sitter to the circus for the first time.

When he came home he exclaimed: "Oh, Mama, if you once went to the circus you'd never, never go to a prayer meeting again in all your life."