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| Deep Young
Thoughts |
From an actual
newspaper contest
where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by
Jack
Handey."
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| I believe
you should live each day as if it is your
last, which is
why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of their life?--Age 15 |
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Democracy
is a beautiful thing, except for that part
about letting
just any old yokel vote. --Age 10
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Home is
where the house is. --Age 6
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I bet
living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out
of Halloween.
--Age 13
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For
centuries, people thought the moon was made of
green cheese. Then
the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what
happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6
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My younger
brother asked me what happens after we die.
I told him we
get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I
should
have told him the truth -- that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally
-- but I didn't want to upset him. --Age 10
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When I go
to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.
But he better
have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5
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| I once heard the voice of God. It
said "Vrrrrmmmmm."
Unless it was
just a lawn mower. --Age 11 |
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I like to
go down to the dog pound and pretend that
I've found my dog.
Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
his
stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. --Age 14
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As you
make your way through this hectic world of ours,
set aside a
few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of
days
saved up. --Age 7
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Give me
the strength to change the things I can, the
grace to accept
the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13
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It sure
would be nice if we got a day off for the
president's birthday,
like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have a lot of
people
voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long
weekends. --Age 8
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It would
be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got
into an accident.
No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood
would
be right there. --Age 5
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| Think of
the biggest number you can. Now add five.
Then, imagine if
you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest
number
you could come up with!--Age 6 |
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If we
could just get everyone to close their eyes and
visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting
started. --Age 15
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| BACK |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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YALE
The new maid, who had come into the
household during the holidays,
asked her boss:
"Where ban your son? I not seeing him round no more."
"My son," replied the boss pridefully. "Oh, he has gone back to
Yale. He could only get away long enough to stay until New Year's day,
you see. I miss him dreadfully, tho."
"Yas, I knowing yoost how you feel. My brother, he ban in yail sax
times
since Tanksgiving." |
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ZONES
TEACHER:
"How many zones has the earth?"
STUDENT: "Five."
TEACHER: "Correct.
Name them."
STUDENT: "Temperate
zone, intemperate, canal, horrid, and zero." |
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EGOCENTRIC IN FRONT
OF A MIRROR
Here's
to the world, the merry old world,
To its days both bright and blue;
Here's to our future, be it what it may,
And here's to my best—that's you!
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A child of
strict and religious parents, whose greatest joy had been the
weekly prayer meeting, was taken by its baby-sitter to the circus for
the
first
time.
When he came home he exclaimed:
"Oh, Mama, if you once went to the circus you'd never, never go to a
prayer meeting again in all your life." |
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