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Political Humor & Jokes Vol.1

Diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.

Attitude Toward Whiskey

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. 
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it." 
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." 
"This is my final position, and I will not compromise!"

"Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul." -David Letterman

A Thank You Letter

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00. 
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God which ran as follows:
                                                        Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Ottawa. As usual they deducted $95.00.

"Monday on NBC Bush said about the war on terrorism, 'I don't think we can win it.' And yesterday he said at a rally, 'We will win it." John Kerry is furious. Now Bush is beating him on flip-flopping. Hey, that was his issue." --Jay Leno

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ARBITRATION
A war was going on, and one day, the papers being full of the grim details of a bloody battle, a woman said to her husband:
"This slaughter is shocking. It's fiendish. Can nothing he done to stop it?"
"I'm afraid not," her husband answered.
"Why don't both sides come together and arbitrate?" she cried.
"They did," said he. "They did, 'way back in June. That's how the gol-durned thing started."

Other Humor & Jokes


HISTORY BATTLE
Teacher: "In which of his battles was King Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden slain?"
Student: "I'm pretty sure it was the last one."

Political Jokes

PRISON REFORM
The government spokesperson explained the necessity for immediate reform in conditions at the State Penitentiary:
"Nowadays, there are such a number of our very best people who are being indicted and tried and convicted and sent to serve their sentences in the prison that we really must make their surroundings there more pleasant and elegant."