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BLONDE
MEDICAL DICTIONARY
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A
Anally
-- occurring yearly
Anti-Body
-- against
everyone
Artery
-- study of
paintings |
B
Bacteria
-- back door
of cafeteria
Barium
-- what doctors
do when treatment fails
Benign
-- what you
be after you be eight
Bowel
-- letter like
A.E.I.O.U |
C
Caesarian
section --
district in Rome
Cardiology
-- study
of poker playing
Cat
scan -- searching
for kitty
Cauterize
-made eye
contact with her
Colic
-- sheep dog
Coma
-- a punctuation
mark
Conflict
- When a
fortune cookie contradict your horoscope
Congenital
-- friendly |
D
D&C
-- where Washington
is
Diarrhea
-- journal
of daily events
Dilate
-- to live
long |
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E
Enema
-- not a friend |
F
Fester
-- quicker
Fibula
-- a small
lie |
G
Genes
-- blue denim slacks
Genital
-- non-Jewish
G.I.
Series -- soldiers'
ball game
Grippe
-- suitcase |
H
Hangnail
-- coat hook
Hemorrhoid
-- a male
From outer space
Herpes
-- what women
do in the Ladies Room
Hormones
-- what
a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid |
I
Impotent
-- distinguished,
well known
Inpatient
-- tired
of waiting
Intense
pain -- torture
in a teepee |
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L
Labour
pain -- got hurt
at work |
M
Medical
staff -- doctor's
cane
Minor
Operation --
coal digging
Morbid
-- higher
offer |
N
Nitrate
-- cheaper than
day rate
Node
-- was aware
of |
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O
Outpatient
-- person
who had fainted |
P
Pap
smear -- fatherhood
test
Paralyze
-- Two far-fetched
stories
Paramedics
-- Twin
medicos
Pharmacist
-- person
who makes a living dealing in agriculture
Pelvis
-- cousin
of Elvis
Post
operative --
letter carrier
Protein
-- favoring
young people |
R
Rectum
-- damn near killed
'em
Recovery
room --
place to do upholstery
Rheumatic
-- amorous |
S
Saline
-- where you go
on your boyfriend's boat
Scar
-- rolled tobacco
leaf
Secretion
-- hiding
anything
Seizure
-- Roman
emperor
Serology
-- study
of knighthood
Staff
-- a doctor's
cane |
T
Terminal
illness -- sickness
at airport
Tibia
-- country
in North Africa
Tumor
-- an extra
pair |
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U
Urine
-- opposite of
you're out |
V
Varicose
-- located nearby
Vein
-- conceited |
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BACK
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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ADVICE
Her exalted rank did not give Queen
Victoria immunity from the trials
of a grandmother.
One of her grandsons, whose recklessness in spending
money provoked her strong disapproval, wrote to the Queen reminding her
of his approaching birthday and delicately suggesting that money would
be the most acceptable gift. In her own hand she answered, sternly
reproving
the youth for the sin of extravagance and urging upon him the practise
of economy.
His reply staggered her:
"Dear Grandma," it ran, "thank you for your kind letter of advice. I
have sold the same for five pounds." |
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FINISHING TOUCHES
The blonde had dropped in to see her
friend, the great animal painter,
put the finishing touches on his latest painting.
She was totally mystified,
however,
when the painter took some raw meat and rubbed it vigorously over the
painted
rabbit in the foreground.
"Why on earth did you do that?" she asked.
"Why you see," explained painter, "Mrs. Money is coming to see
this
picture today. When she sees her pet poodle smell that rabbit, and get
excited over it, she'll buy it on the spot." |
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An old
lion-hunter entertained a dinner party of distinguished
authors.
These discoursed largely during the meal, and bored one another and
more
especially their blonde host, who was not literary. To wake herself up,
the
host excused herself from the table with a vague murmur about opening a
window, and went out into the hall. She found a servant sound asleep
in
a chair. She shook the fellow, and exclaimed angrily:
"Wake up! You've been listening at the keyhole." |
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