|
|
|
HUMOR
FROM COMEDIANS
|
|
Time
spend laughing
is time spent with the gods. (Japanese proverb)
|
|
| "According
to a recent study,"
reports Jay Leno, "ten percent of 'Star Trek' fans
meet
the psychological criteria for addiction. Deprived on their favourite
show,
some Trekkies display withdrawal symptoms similat to those of drug
addicts.
Of course the real difference is that drug adicts aren't nearly
as
annoying." |
|
| "I got
an answering machine
for my phone," says comedian Steven Wright. "Now when I'm not home and
somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal. I
like
to leave messages before the beep." |
|
| "Someone
did a study of
the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City," says comedian
David
Latterman. "One is, 'Hey, taxi!' Two is,'What train do I take to get to
Bloomingdale's? And three is, 'Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.' " |
|
| "A recent
study shows that
75 % of the body's heat escapes through the head," comments
comedian
Jerry Seinfeld. "I guess that means you could ski naked if you had a
good
hat." |
|
I saw
the most beautiful
cars in the window of a dealership recently," said comedian Corbett
Monica.
"A sales
man came out
and said: 'Come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a
lifetime!'
Later I
learned he was
talking about the payments." |
|
| He asked
me if I knew what
time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now." (Comedian Steven
Wright) |
|
| "Wayne
Gretzky is the
first person on a can of Campbell's Soup," says Jay Leno. "That makes
sense,
to put a hockey player on a can of soup. It's probably the only thing
you
can eat without teeth." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Send
a link or joke to a friend
|
|
|
|
ENOUGH
The man's clothes were in the last stages
of dilapidation, and he
wore
open work shoes, but his face was radiant, and he whistled merrily as
he
slouched along the street. A householder called from his porch:
"Sam, I have a job for you, if you want to earn five bucks now."
The tattered man grinned happily as he shook his head.
"No, sir, thank yoh all de same, boss —I earned my five bucks today." |
 |
|
STRANGE ANIMAL
A circus man was scouring the countryside
in search of an elephant
that
had escaped from the menagerie and wandered off. He inquired of a
farmer working in a field to learn if the fellow had seen any strange
animal thereabouts.
"Sure I did!" was the vigorous answer. "There was an
inju-rubber bull around here, pullin' carrots with its tail." |
|
|
|
EPITAPH
In an Irish cemetery stands a handsome
monument with an inscription
which runs thus:
"This monument is erected to the memory of James
O'Brien, who was
accidentally shot by his brother as a mark of affection." |
 |
|
ECONOMY
Economy
is going without something you do want in case you should,
some
day, want something which you probably won't want.—Anthony Hope.
|
|
