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Time spend laughing is time spent with the gods. (Japanese proverb)
"According to a recent study," reports Jay Leno, "ten percent of 'Star Trek'  fans meet  the psychological criteria for addiction. Deprived on their favourite show, some Trekkies display withdrawal symptoms similat to those of drug addicts. Of course  the real difference is that drug adicts aren't nearly as annoying."

"I got an answering machine for my phone," says comedian Steven Wright. "Now when I'm not home and somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal.  I like to leave messages before the beep."

"Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City," says comedian David Latterman. "One is, 'Hey, taxi!' Two is,'What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's? And three is, 'Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.' "

"A recent study shows that 75 %  of the body's heat escapes through the head," comments comedian Jerry Seinfeld. "I guess that means you could ski naked if you had a good hat." 

I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a dealership recently," said comedian Corbett Monica. 
"A sales man came out and said: 'Come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!' 
Later I learned he was talking about the payments." 

He asked me if I knew what time it was.  I said, "Yes, but not right now." (Comedian Steven Wright)

"Wayne Gretzky is the first person on a can of Campbell's Soup," says Jay Leno. "That makes sense, to put a hockey player on a can of soup. It's probably the only thing you can eat without teeth."


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The man's clothes were in the last stages of dilapidation, and he wore open work shoes, but his face was radiant, and he whistled merrily as he slouched along the street. A householder called from his porch:
"Sam, I have a job for you, if you want to earn five bucks now."
The tattered man grinned happily as he shook his head.
"No, sir, thank yoh all de same, boss —I earned my five bucks today."
Wedding & Marriage Humor
A circus man was scouring the countryside in search of an elephant that had escaped from the menagerie and wandered off. He inquired of a farmer working in a field to learn if the fellow had seen any strange animal thereabouts.
"Sure I did!" was the vigorous answer. "There was an inju-rubber bull around here, pullin' carrots with its tail."
Political Jokes
In an Irish cemetery stands a handsome monument with an inscription which runs thus:
"This monument is erected to the memory of James O'Brien, who was accidentally shot by his brother as a mark of affection."
Economy is going without something you do want in case you should, some day, want something which you probably won't want.—Anthony Hope.