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How
To Freak Out People While Ordering A Pizza Cont...
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| 66. Be
vague in your order. |
| 67.
When they repeat
your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time." |
| 68. If
using a touch-tone
press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order. |
| 69.
After ordering, say
"I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff. |
| 70. Start
the conversation
by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry." |
| 71.
State your order
and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get. |
| 72. Ask if
they're familiar
with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go
with
the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza. |
| 73. Say
"Kssssssssssssssht"
rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that. |
| 74. Detect
the order taker's
psychic aura. Use it to your advantage. |
| 75.
When listing toppings
you want on your pizza, include another pizza. |
| 76. Learn
to play a blues
riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it. |
| 77. Ask
if they would
like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade. |
| 78.
Perfect a celebrity's
voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit
can't-hack-it
pimple-faced gofer. |
| 79.
Order term life insurance. |
| 80. Teach
the order taker
a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders. |
| 81.
Mumble, "There's
a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said
'sauce
smothered with meat'." |
| 82. Make
the first topping
you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms,
please."
Hang up before they have a chance to respond. |
| 83.
When the order is
repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change
it
again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do
you?" |
| 84. When
you'ge given the
price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math." |
| 85.
Haggle. |
| 86. Order
a one-inch pizza. |
| 87.
Put them on
hold. |
| 88. When
they say "Will
that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?" |
| 89.
Order with a Speak-n-Spell
where applicable. |
| 90. Ask
how many dolphins
were killed to make that pizza. |
| 91.
While on the phone,
fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed. |
| 92. Engage
in some serious
swapping. |
| 93.
Dance all around
the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says
it,
say "Please don't mention that word." |
94. Have a
movie with a
good car chase scene playing loudly in the
background.
Yell "OW!"
when a bullet is fired. |
| 95. If
he/she suggests
a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you. |
| 96. Ask if
the pizza has
had its shots. |
| 97.
Order a steamed pizza. |
| 98. Get
taker's name.
Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day)
wake-up
call, So-and-so." Hang up. |
| 99.
Offer to pay for
the pizza with a public flogging. |
| 100. Ask
if they have special
service. If they ask what you mean, say, in your best pouty voice,
"Last
guy let me do it." |
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