QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman.
ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman.

QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? 
ANSWER: Blazing Saddles.

QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock.
ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises.

QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk.
ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz.

QUESTION: What was Liz Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1st, 1952?
ANSWER: An unmarried woman.

QUESTION: What do you call a cop who frisks himself?
ANSWER: The Laughing Policeman.

QUESTION: Name an Eskimo porno film. 
ANSWER: Deep freeze.

QUESTION: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone?
ANSWER: Over 15 billion served.

QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? 
ANSWER: Milk and honey.

QUESTION: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?
ANSWER: Igloo.

QUESTION: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. 
ANSWER: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday.

QUESTION: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors.
ANSWER: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter.

QUESTION: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?
ANSWER: Hickory Dickory Dock.

QUESTION: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley?
ANSWER: "Rose Bowl."

QUESTION: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga?
ANSWER: Gunga din.


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"What are you doing, my dear doughter?"
"I am writing a letter to my boyfriend."
"But, darling, you don't know how to write."
"That's no diff'ence, mamma; he don't know how to read."

Medical Humor & Jokes

"It appears to be your record, Mary," said the magistrate, "that you have already been convicted thirty-five times of stealing."
"I guess that's right, your honor," answered Mary. "No woman is perfect."


Misled Free On Board
The Client: "I bought and paid for two dozen glass decanters that were advertised at $16 a dozen, f. o. b., and when they were delivered they were empty."

The Lawyer: "Well, what do you expect?"

The Client: "Full of booze. Isn't that what f. o. b. means?"

Law Humor

"Wealth has its penalties." said the ready-made philosopher.
"Yes," replied his wealthy friend. "I'd rather be back at the dear old factory than learning to pronounce the names of the old masters in my picture-gallery."