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MORE
CARNAC
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QUESTION:
Describe
someone cleaning his Hoffman.
ANSWER:
Dustin Hoffman. |
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QUESTION:
What do
they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?
ANSWER:
Blazing Saddles. |
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QUESTION:
Name a
clock, a jock and a crock.
ANSWER:
Big Ben,
Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. |
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QUESTION:
Name a
Kirk, a Turk and a jerk.
ANSWER:
Kirk Douglas,
Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. |
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QUESTION:
What was
Liz Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1st, 1952?
ANSWER:
An unmarried
woman. |
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QUESTION:
What do
you call a cop who frisks himself?
ANSWER:
The Laughing
Policeman. |
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QUESTION:
Name an
Eskimo porno film.
ANSWER:
Deep freeze. |
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QUESTION:
What will
be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone?
ANSWER:
Over 15 billion
served. |
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QUESTION:
What do
you get from a bee that has an udder?
ANSWER:
Milk and
honey. |
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QUESTION:
What do
you use to keep your ig from falling off?
ANSWER:
Igloo. |
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QUESTION:
Name three
things you won't find in Los Angeles.
ANSWER:
Clean air,
a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. |
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QUESTION:
Name three
things that go to the bathroom outdoors.
ANSWER:
A mule, a
horse, Billy Carter. |
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QUESTION:
Who do
you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?
ANSWER:
Hickory Dickory
Dock. |
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QUESTION:
What do
you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley?
ANSWER:
"Rose Bowl." |
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QUESTION:
What do
you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga?
ANSWER:
Gunga din. |
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BACK
TO CARNAC
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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NO DIFFERENCE
"What are you doing, my dear doughter?"
"I am writing a letter to my boyfriend."
"But, darling, you don't know how to write."
"That's no diff'ence, mamma; he don't know how to read." |
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RECORD
"It appears to be your record, Mary," said
the magistrate, "that you
have already been convicted thirty-five times of stealing."
"I guess that's right, your honor," answered Mary. "No woman is
perfect." |
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Misled Free On Board
The Client:
"I bought and paid for two dozen glass
decanters
that were
advertised at $16 a dozen, f. o. b., and when they were delivered they
were empty."
The Lawyer: "Well, what
do you expect?"
The Client: "Full of
booze. Isn't that what f. o. b. means?"
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WEALTH
"Wealth has its penalties." said the
ready-made philosopher.
"Yes," replied his wealthy friend. "I'd rather be back at the dear old
factory
than learning to pronounce the names of the old masters in my
picture-gallery."
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