Get All Travel Info


LAWYER JOKES

PERMITTED AND PROHIBITED

In the US, everything that is not prohibited by law is permitted.
In Germany, everything that is not permitted by law is prohibited.
In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law.
In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law.

PAYMENT

Jim was charged with stealing a car, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Jim came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I want get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?" 
"Well, your honor," replied Jim, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole." 


Previous
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Next


Google

 
Send a link or joke to a friend
Lady: "Yes, she's married to a lawyer, and a good honest fellow too."
Cynic: "Wow, I didn't know she is bigamist!"
* * *
GETTING EVEN
Lawyer's Wife: "Dear, I have made up my mind to fine you fifty cents every time you swear."

Lawyer:
"That's a bargain, if you'll give me fifty cents every time you envy me for being able to."
* * *
MISTAKE
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. 
"What do you do?" lawyer asked.
"Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go," minister replied.
* * *
MILKING
There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.
* * *
AN ENGINE TROUBLE
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set, back here," come the reply," except for one lawyer who's still passing out business cards."