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CHICKEN
TALK
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Why
Did The Chicken
Cross The Road?
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| Aristotle: To actualize
its potential. |
| Buddha: If you ask
this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. |
| Plato: For the greater
good. |
| Karl Marx: It was
a historical inevitability. |
| Machiavelli: So that
its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the
daring
and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among
them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue?
In
such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. |
Noam Chomsky:
The chicken
didn't exactly
cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens
reaching
maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement.
The living
conditions in
most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and
some,
particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on
inhumane.
My point is,
they had no
chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the
supermarket).
Even if one or
two have
crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course,
this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing
around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are
not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms
is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a
subsidiary
of the dairy industry). Anyway, ...
(Chomsky
continues for 32
pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press). |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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ANSWER
A farmer, hearing a great commotion in his
chicken-house one
dark
night, took his gun and went to investigate.
"Who's there?" he sternly demanded, opening the door.
No answer.
"Who's there? Answer, or I'll shoot!"
A trembling voice from the farthest corner:
"'Nobody hyah ceptin' us chickens." |
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AMNESTY
The
nurse at the front regarded the wounded soldier with a puzzled
frown.
"Your face is perfectly familiar to me," she said, musingly. "But I
can't quite place you somehow."
"Let bygones be bygones, mum," the soldier said weakly. "Yes, mum, I
was
a policeman who was giving you that parking ticket last year." |
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COWARD
The old farmer and his wife visited the
menagerie. When they halted
before the hippopotamus cage, he remarked admiringly:
"Darn'd curi's fish, ain't it, ma?"
"That ain't a fish," the wife announced. "That's a rep-tile."
It was thus that the argument began. It progressed to a point of
such
violence that the old lady began belaboring the husband with her
umbrella. The old man dodged and ran, with the wife in pursuit. The
trainer had just opened the door of the lions' cage, and the farmer
popped in. He crowded in behind the largest lion and peered over its
shoulder fearfully at his wife, who, on the other side of the bars,
shook her umbrella furiously.
"Coward!" she shouted. "That's what you are! Coward!" |
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