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CHICKEN
TALK 4
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Why Did
The Chicken Cross
The Road?
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| Ralph Waldo Emerson: It
didn't cross the road; it transcended it. |
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| B.F. Skinner:Because
the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had
caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross
roads,
even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. |
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| Johann Friedrich Von
Goethe: The
eternal hen-principle made it do it. |
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| Pyrrho the Skeptic: What
road? |
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| Henry David Thoreau:To
live deliberately... and suck all the marrow out of life. |
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| David Hume: Out of
custom and habit. |
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| Malcom X: It was
coming home to roost. |
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Ludwig
Wittgenstein:
The
possibility of crossing
was encoded into the objects chicken and road, and circumstances came
into
being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. |
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| John Sun: The
Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite
understandably
the chicken availed himself of the opportunity. |
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| The Sphinx: You
tell me. |
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| Mark Twain: The news
of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. |
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| Ruskin: For
different kinds of good weather. |
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| Addison: For
mysterious love and uncertain treasure. |
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| Policeman: Why didn't
you tell me before? |
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| Bride: Because
it wants to be married. |
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| Douglas Jerrold:
Because
it is so fond of ill-luck that it will run half-way to meet it. |
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EGGS
The poultry farmer decided to give special
attention to the development of
his
poultry yard, and he undertook the work carefully and systematically.
His hired man, who had been with him for a number of years, was
instructed, among other things, to write on each egg the date laid and
the breed of the hen. After a month, the hired man resigned.
"I can't understand," the farmer declared,
surprised and pained,
"why
you should want to leave."
"I'm through," the hired man asserted.
"I've done the nastiest jobs,
an'
never kicked. But I draw the line on bein' secretary to a bunch o'
hens." |
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COURTESY
The witness was obviously a rustic and
quite new to the ways of a
court-room. So, the judge directed him: "Speak to the jury,
sir—the men sitting behind you on the benches."
The witness turned, bowed clumsily and said:
"Good-morning, gentlemen." |
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SETTLEMENT
Up in rural Minnesota Mr. Olsen, a poor
farmer, had a cow killed by a railroad train. At the appropriate time the claim agent for the railroad called.
"We understand, of course, that the deceased was a very docile and
valuable
animal," said the claim agent in his most persuasive claim-politely
manner "and we sympathize with you and your family in your loss. But,
Mr.
Olsen, you must remember this: Your cow had no business being upon our
tracks. Those tracks are our private property and when she invaded
them,
she became a trespasser. Technically speaking, you, as her owner,
became
a trespasser also. But we have no desire to carry the issue into court
and possibly give you trouble. Now then, what would you regard as a
fair
settlement between you and the railroad company?"
"Vail," said Mr. Olsen slowly, "Ay bane poor Swede farmer, but Ay
shall
give you fifty dollars." |
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