English Sketches From Life 2
Title Was Inadequate
Uncle Harris, the old servant of Colonel Slemmens of Monticello, Ark.,
approached the Colonel one morning and said: "Could you lemme look into
yo' dictionary a minute, Kuhnel?"
" Dictionary, " replied the Colonel, "what do you want with the
"Well," replied the old servant, "I jes want to find a couple of words
to add to my lodge-office title. Dey done chose me last night, to be
gran' high most worthy exalted imperial plenipotentiary, but it strikes
dat sounds jes' a little bit cheap. "
A scientist in Paris claims to have discovered a sugar-secreted germ
which he calls a "glycobacter" and which, he says, if introduced in the
colon, will destroy the old-age germ and prolong life. It is to be
hoped that the glycobacter will prove practicable, but one should be
cautious about monkeying with his colon, lest he come to a full stop.
Here is some
descriptive evidence of personal peculiarities:
- "A fellow was arrested with short hair."
- "I saw a man digging a well with a Roman
- "A house was built by a mason of brown
- "Wanted—A room by two gentlemen thirty
feet long and twenty
- "A man from Africa called to pay his
compliments tall and
- "I perceived that it had been scoured
with half an eye."
Here is a curious evidence of philanthropy: "A wealthy gentleman will
adopt a little boy with a small family."
In an account of travels we are assured that "a pearl was found by a
sailor in a shell."
A store-keeper assures his customers that "the longest time and easiest
terms are given by any other house in the city."
| OSCULATION WISDOM
man kisses a woman first reverently, then passionately, then tenderly,
then casually, and then dutifully.
* * *
The man who kisses a girl at the first opportunity is a fool; the man
who waits for the second is an optimist; the man who waits for the
third a philosopher; the man who waits for the fourth is a speculator,
and the man who waits any longer is a freak.
- A Batchelor
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Sketches From Life
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