English Sketches From Life 4

"A tale should be judicious, clear. succinct:
The language plain, and incidents well linked;
Tell not as new. what everybody knows,
And, new or old, still hasten to a close:
There, centering in a focus round and neat,
Let all your rays of information meet."

* * *

A clergyman, standing in his pulpit, was once handed a slip of paper, to be read in the hearing of the congregation, which was intended to convey the following notice:

“A man going to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the church.”

But the sentence was improperly punctuated, and he read, “A man going to see his wife, desires the prayers of the church!”

* * *

A parochial report states that "the town farm-house and almshouse have been carried on the past year to our reasonable satisfaction, especially the almshouse, at which there have been an unusual amount of sickness and three deaths."

* * *

A Western paper says: "A child was run over by a wagon three years old, and cross-eyed, with pantalets on, which never spoke afterward."

* * *

A Kansas paper thus ends a marriage notice: "The couple left for the East on the night train where they will reside."

* * *

A bill presented to a farmer ran thus: "To hanging two barn doors and myself, $200."

* * *

In the account of a shipwreck we find the following: "The captain swam ashore. So did the chambermaid; she was insured for a large sum and loaded with pig-iron."

* * *

The following notice appeared on the west end of a country meeting-house: "Anybody sticking bills against this church will be prosecuted according to law or any other nuisance."

* * *

A gushing but ungrammatical editor says: "We have received a basket of fine grapes from our friend ——, for which he will please accept our compliments, some of which are nearly one inch in diameter."

* * *

On the panel under the letter-receiver of the General Post-Office, Dublin, these words are printed: "Post here letters too late for the next mail."

* * *

Managing Editor's Song

How dear to my heart is the steady subscriber,
Who pays in advance at the birth of each year;
Who lays down his money and offers it gladly,
And casts 'round the office a halo of cheer!
Who never says, "Stop it; I cannot afford it!''
Or, "I'm getting more papers than I can read!"
But always says, "Send it; the familly all like it
In fact, we think it a household need!"
How welcome he is when he steps in the sanctum!
How he makes our hearts throb!
How he makes our eyes dance!
We outwardly thank him-we inwardly bless him
The steady subscriber who pays in advance.

English Sketches From Life 4

Managing Editor's Song

The Good Old Way