| 1.Before
anyone else is in the lab, connect each
computer to different
screen than the one it's set up with. |
2.
Ask the person next to you if they know how to
tap into top-secret
Pentagon files.
|
3.
When your computer is turned off, complain to the
monitor on duty
that you can't get the stupid thing to work. After he/she's turned it
on,
wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good
half
hour.
|
4.
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on
your face and
scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
|
5.
Type frantically, often stopping to look at the
person next to
you evilly.
|
6.
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes &
then suddenly
stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
|
7.
Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other
people as if
they're crazy while typing.
|
8.
Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly
startled by something
on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
|
9.
Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $5. Keep
asking until
someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I
forgot."
|
10.
If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around
singing "The
Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
|
11.
Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in
your pockets.Type
by hitting the keys with the straw.
|
12.
Start making out with the person at the terminal
next to you (It
helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new
friends).
|
13.
Light candles in a pentagram around your
terminal before starting.
|
14.
Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in
your pockets.
Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
|
15.
When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on,
ask loudly where
the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
|
| 16.
If you have long hair, take a typing break, look
for split ends,
cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave. |
17.
Bring some dry ice & make it look like your
computer is
smoking.
|
18.
Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go
to the lab monitor
and complain that your computer ate your disk.
|
| 19.
Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look
really puzzled,
burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep
laughing,
grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go. |
20.
Come into the computer lab wearing several
endangered species of
flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly.Type a sentence, then laugh
happily,
exclaim "You''re such a marvel!!", and kis the screen. Repeat this
after
every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard.
Finally,
hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
|
21.
Bring an small tape player with a tape of really
absurd sound
effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
|
22.
Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the
screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
|
23.
Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat
them.
|
24.
See who's online. Send a total stranger a
talk request.
Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before
they geta chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
|
25.
When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and
say that sometimes
the old ways are best.
|
26.
Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over,
saying "Excuse
me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard &
taking
it.
|
27.
Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then
when its all
done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
|
| 28.
Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your
paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about
the bad working conditions. |
29.
Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails
noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the
person
next
to you.
|
30.
Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop,
look at the person
next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke
the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it
is far more effective to let them linger.
|
