Travel Alaska

"It's obviously not going to work, Jeanette.
You're still Windows 98 and I'm fervently NT."

30 Ways to Scare People In the Computer Rom

1.Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
2. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the stupid thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
5. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
6. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
7. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
8. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
9. Ask around for a spare disk.  Offer $5. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
10. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
11. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
12. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
13. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
14. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
15. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
16. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
17. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
18. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk.
19. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
20. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly.Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You''re such a marvel!!", and kis the screen. Repeat this after every sentence.  As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
21. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
22. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
23. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
24. See who's online.  Send a total stranger a talk request.  Talk to them like you've known them all your lives.  Hangup before they geta chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
25. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
26. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
27. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
28. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
29. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
30. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

Send a link or joke to a friend

Mother (to boy who has been on adult web site): "Aren't you rather ashamed of yourself?"

Boy: "Well, Mother, I wasn't. But now that you've suggested it I am."


Popular web designer (condescendingly): "I did this design last week. It really isn't much good."

Candid Friend: "No, it certainly isn't. But who told you?"


HE: "I'm not going to play games on my computer any more. Well, what are you sneering about? You don't seem to have much faith in my good resolutions."

SHE: "I was just wondering if you had taken the paving contract for the next world."

Political Jokes

Salesman: "Another advantage of this computer machine, madam, is that it is fool-proof."

Mrs. Buyer (placidly): "No doubt, to the ordinary kind. But you don't know my husband."

"The chief objection we have to the man who 'knows it all,'" remarked the Observer, "is that he insists that everyone he knows shall know it all, too."

Golfers Humor

Wife (enthusiastically): I saw the most gorgeous computer to-day, dear. But, of course, I know we can not afford——

Hubby (resignedly): When have they promised to deliver it?

On Kids Way

Second-story Worker: "Hullo, mister, I see you got a new laptop. What did it cost you?"
Burglar: "Six months. I never use cheap equipment!"