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Humor About Men Vol.1
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FINALLY! A
NIGHT OUT
Jim has
been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick
of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in country as
far from humanity as possible.
Jim sees the postman once
a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise
it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total
isolation,
he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and
there is a big, bearded local man standing there. " I'm... Your
neighbour
from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... thought
you'd
like to come."
"Great," says Jim, "after
six months of this I'm ready to meet some
local folks. Thank you."
As local man is leaving
he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be
some drinkin." "Not a problem... after 25 years in the computer
business,
I can do that with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to
leave local man stops. "More 'n' likely gonna
be some fightin, too."
Damn, Jim thinks... tough
crowd. "Well, I get along with people. I'll
be there. Thanks again." Once again local man turns from the door.
"I've
seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a
problem" says Jim, "Remember I've been alone for
six months! I'll definitely be there ... by the way, what should I wear
to the party?" The local man stops in the door again and says "Whatever
you want, it's just gonna be the two of us."
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SEEING
EYE DOG
Two
friends were walking their
dogs in the park when
one suggested
stopping at a bar for a drink.
"But we
can't go in there," said the second guy. "They
won't let us
bring our dogs in."
"Don't worry
about it," replied the first guy. "Just
follow my lead."
And into the bar he walked with his Doberman.
"Hey," the bartender yelled. "you can't bring that dog in here!"
"But I'm blind," said the first guy. "This is my Seeing Eye dog."
Satisfied, the bartender seated him, and just then the other guy came
in with his little Pekingese in tow. Again the bartender announced that
dogs weren't allowed.
"But I'm blind," said the second man. "This is my Seeing Eye
dog."
The
bartender took a long look at the dog. "That
Pekingese is your Seeing
Eye dog?" he asked incredulously.
"What?"
said the second man. "They gave me a
Pekingese?"
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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| When
wealthy Scottish farmer was asked by poor Irish farmer if he can
borrow his ass, Scottish farmer replied that he had
already loaned the animal. Thereupon, the honest creature brayed from
the stable. "But the ass is there," the poor Irish farmer cried
indignantly. "I
hear it!" Scottish farmer retorted indignantly: "What! Would you take
the
word of an ass instead of mine?" |
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Mark was
visiting his cousin in jail: "Why you are in jail Robert?"
he asked.
"Why, it was just nothing at all," the convicted relative explained
easily. "I was
strolling along the edge of the canal, when I happened to catch sight
of
a bit of old rope. Of course, I knew that old piece of rope was of no
use to anyone, and so I just picked it up, and took it home with me.
"But I don't understand," Mark exclaimed. "Why should they
punish you so severely for a little thing like that? I don't understand
it."
"I don't understand it, either," his declared, "unless, maybe,
it was because there was a horse at the other end of the rope." |
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What
Men Don't Want Women to Know: The Secrets, the Lies, the Unspoken Truth
by
Smith & Doe Staff
"If a man is given the opportunity
to engage in sexual
relations with
an attractive female, with no fear of getting caught and little risk of
transmitted diseases, he will do so. Always. Without fail. There are no
exceptions."
An unvarnished, no holds barred look into the mind of the male animal
-- his sexual fantasies, the secrets he keeps and the lies he tells
when
it comes to sex and fidelity, and what he will and won't do for
love.
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