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LAWYER
JOKES VOL.4
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CONTRIBUTIONS
A local
charity office realized
that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful
lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to
contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000,
you
give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to
the
community in some way?"
The lawyer
mulled this over
for a moment and replied, "First, did our research also show that my
mother
is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several
times
her annual income?"
Embarrassed,
the United
Way rep mumbled, "Um...no." "--or that my brother, a disabled veteran,
is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken
United Way
rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "--or that my
sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising
in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated
United Way
rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the
lawyer cut
him off once again: "--so if I don't give any money to them, why should
I give any to you?" |
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MONEY
"How can
I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had
solved
her legal troubles.
"My
dear woman," lawyer replied, "Ever since the Phoenicians invented money
there has been only one answer to that easy question." |
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WHY
DID YOU SWITCH?
At a
convention of biological
scientists one researcher remarks to another:
"Did you know
that in our
lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"
"Really?" the
other replied,
"Why did you
switch?"
"Well, for
four very good
reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second,
the
lab assistants don't get so attached to them, third there are some
things
even a rat won't do, and fourth sometimes it very hard to extrapolate
our
test results to human beings." |
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HOW
MUCH
A housewife,
an accountant and
a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife
replies: "Four!".
The accountant
says: "I
think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my
spreadsheet
one more time."
The lawyer
pulls the drapes,
dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to
be?" |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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| Some
physicians direct their patients to lie always on the right
side,
declaring that it is injurious to the health to lie on both sides. Yet,
lawyers as a class enjoy good health. |
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LENT
"Did you give up anything during Lent?" one
lawyer asked another.
"Yes," was the reply, uttered with a heavy sigh. "I gave up hundred
dollars for a new Easter bonnet." |
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LIGHTNING
The
young lawyer was strong-minded, and she was religious, and she was also
afflicted with a very feminine fear of thunder storms. She was
delivering an address at a lawyer's convention when a tempest suddenly
broke with din of thunder and flare of lightning. Above the noise of
the
elements, her voice was heard in shrill supplication:
"O Lord, take us under Thy
protecting wings, for Thou knowest that
feathers are splendid non-conductors." |
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"How did
you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a lawyer in the
very
expensive restaurant.
"Just luck," the hungry lawyer replied, sadly. "I happened to move that
small piece of potato, and there it was!" |
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