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LAWYER
JOKES VOL.2
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ATTORNEYS
DON'T CARRY CASH ..... IT'S TO PLEBEIAN
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DEFENSE
One fine,
sunny morning, a priest
took a walk in the local forest. He was walking by a small stream
when, sitting on a nearby toadstool, he noticed a sad, sad-looking
frog.
"What's wrong with you?" said the priest.
"Well," said
the frog, "the
reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a
frog."
"Really!" said
the priest.
"Can you explain?"
"Once upon a
time I was
an 11-year-old Choirboy at your very church. I too was walking by this
stream when I was on fronted by the wicked witch of the forest.
'Let
me pass!' I cried, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy
and
with a flash of her wand, turned me into the frog you now see before
you."
"That's an
incredible story!"
said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing the witch's spell?"
"Yes," said
the frog. "It
is said that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give
me food and warmth and a good night's sleep, I will wake up as a boy
again."
"Today's your
lucky day!"
said the priest, and forthwith picked up the frog and took him
home.
He gave him lots of food, placed him by the fire, and at bedtime put
the
frog on the pillow beside him. And lo and behold! Miracle
of
miracles! For, when he awoke the next morning, there was the 11
year
old Choirboy beside him in bed.
And that, your
Honor, is
the case for the Defense. |
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CONSULTATION
A lawyer's
dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and
steals
a roast.
The
Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks: "If a dog running unleashed
steals
a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for
the meat from the dog's owner?"
The
lawyer answers, "Absolutely!"
"Then
you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me
today.
"
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50
The
next day the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope with invoice
from the lawyer
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$20 due for a consultation. |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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Mr. Smith (to his new acquaintance):
"I wonder if that fat
old girl is
really trying to flirt with me?"
Lawyer: "I can
easily find out by asking her—she is my wife." |
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HIS REPUTATION
Waitress (to her friend): "He may
look good, but he ain't no good, Lilly, he's lawyer and one of these
fellers
wot
chooses the price first an' then runs his fingers along the bill o'
fare
to see wot he gets for it."
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NOT UP-TO-DATE
Mother:
"What made Alice and that young lawyer break their engagement?"
Clarissa: "He
complained that she was too 'Effeminate' for
the present
day." |
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TONGUE
Local judge was one day asked by a friend
whether he would instruct his
daughters
in the different languages.
"No, sir," he said; "one tongue is sufficient for any woman." |
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"A war is
a fearful thing," said old lawyer.
"It is," replied young lawyer. "When you
see the fierceness of
members
of the army toward one another, the fate of a common enemy must be
horrible." |
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"What were
you in for?" asked the lawyer.
"I found a horse."
"Found a horse? Nonsense! They wouldn't jug
you for finding a
horse."
"Well, but you see I found him before the
owner lost him." |
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