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LAWYER
JOKES VOL.7
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THEFT
CHARGE
An elderly
man with a long
career in theft, charged with the theft of some chickens, had the
misfortune
to be defended by a young and inexperienced attorney, although it is
doubtful
whether anyone could have secured his acquittal, the commission of the
crime having been proved beyond all doubt.
The man
received a pretty
severe sentence. "Thank you, sah," said he cheerfully, addressing the
judge
when the sentence had been pronounced. "Dat's mighty hard, sah, but it
ain't anywhere what I 'spected. I thought, sah, dat between my
character
and dat speech of my lawyer dat you'd hang me, shore!"
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WARRANT
A man was
charged with stealing
a horse, and after a long trial the jury acquitted him. Later in the
day
the man came back and asked the judge for a warrant against the lawyer
who had successfully defended him.
"What's the
charge?" inquired
the judge.
"Why, Your
Honor," replied
the man, "you see, I didn't have the money to pay him his fee, so he
took
the horse I stole."
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FRIENDS
A lawyer
cross-examining a witness,
asked him where he was on a particular day; to which he replied that he
had been in the company of two friends. "Friends.'" exclaimed his
tormentor;
"two thieves, I suppose." "They may be so," replied the witness, dryly,
"for they are both lawyers." |
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BURGLARY
"Did youse git
anyt'ing?" whispered
the burglar on guard as his pal emerged from the window.
"Naw, de bloke
wot lives
here is a lawyer," replied the other in disgust.
"Dat's hard
luck," said
the first; "did youse lose anyt'ing?" |
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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The Wife: "Oh, you needn't sneer! I
mean every word I say.
"
Lawyer: "I'm not
sneering, my dear. I'm just thinking what a lot you must
mean." |
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Lawyer: Who's that fellow who seems
to know you?
The Lady: Only a
second cousin once removed.
Lawyer: Hm! Well,
he looks as if he wanted removing again. |
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EXPERIENCE
The sport car was driven by a determined
young woman, who had
knocked
down a man without injuring him much.
She did not try to get away. Instead, she stopped the car, descended
to
the solid earth and faced him manfully.
"I'm sorry it happened," she said grudgingly, "but it was all your
fault. You must have been walking carelessly. I'm an experienced
lawyer and driver.
I've been lawyer for six years and driving a car for seven years."
"Well," replied her victim angrily, "I'm not a novice myself. I've
been
walking for fifty-two years." |
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