A lawyer was
shopping for a
tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him
inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies an
and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I
can't do that,"
replied the stonecutter.
state, it's against
the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put
lies an honest lawyer" "But that won't let people know who it is,"
the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's
Bob and Rob, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 40 hours in the air, Bob says: "Rob, we better lose some altitude
so we can see where we are".
lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends
below the cloud cover.
says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the
Bob yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?".
the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in
air". Bob turns to Rob and says "That man must be a lawyer".
Rob says "How can you tell that?".
says: "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally
in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who
had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence,
a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take
so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to
anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main
and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be
a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.
trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the
was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting
ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the
was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to
see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the
said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head
said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the
a link or joke to a friend
A lawyer having offices in a large office
building recently lost a
one of a pair that he greatly prized. Being absolutely certain that he
had dropped the link somewhere in the building he posted this notice:
"Lost. A gold cuff-link. The owner, William Ward, will deeply
its immediate return."
That afternoon, on passing the door whereon this notice was posted,
what were the feelings of the lawyer to observe that appended thereto
"The finder of the missing cuff-link would deem it a great favor if
the owner would kindly lose the other link."
The lawyer explained to the client his
scale of prices:
"I charge one hundred dollars for advising you as to just what the law
you to do. For giving you advice as to the way you can safely do what
the law forbids, my minimum fee is one thousand dollars."
There was a town jail, and there was a
county jail. The fact was
worth hundred dollars to the lawyer who was approached by an old man in
of a son languishing in duress. The lawyer surveyed the tattered client
as he listened, and decided that he would be lucky to obtain a
fifty-dollar fee. He named that amount as necessary to secure the
prisoner's release. Thereupon, the old man drew forth a large
roll of bills, and peeled off a ten. The lawyer's greedy eyes popped.
"What jail is your son in?" he inquired craftily.
"In the county jail."
"In the county jail!" was the exclamation in a tone of dismay.
bad—very bad. It will cost you at least two hundred dollars."