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LAWYER
JOKES VOL.5
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Deceive
not thy Physician, Confessor nor Lawyer.
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"THUMP"
A truck driver
would amuse himself
by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road.
Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would
swerve
to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve
back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he
saw
a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the
truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to
the church
5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll
give
you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the
passenger
seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck
driver
saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit
him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him,
so
at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However
even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud
"THUMP". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his
mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and
said,
"I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer." "That's okay", replied
the
priest. "I got him with the door!" |
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DO
YOU SERVE LAWYERS
HERE?
A man walked
into a bar with
his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers
here?".
"Sure do,"
replied the bartender.
"Good," said
the man. "Give
me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator." |
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DINNER
PARTY
Professional
humorist had finished
his speech at a special dinner-party, and on seating himself a
well-known
lawyer rose, shoved his hands deep into his trousers' pockets, as was
his
habit and laughingly inquired of those present:
"Doesn't it
strike the company
as a little unusual that a professional humorist should be funny?"
When the
laugh had subsided,
professional humorist drawled out:
"Doesn't it
strike the company
as a little unusual that a lawyer should have his hands in his own
pockets?"
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LUNACY
The lunatic peered over the asylum wall,
and saw a lawyer fishing from
the
bank of the river that ran close by. It was raining hard, which cooled
the fevered brow of the lunatic and enabled him to think with great
clearness. In consequence, he called down to the drenched fisherman:
"Caught anything?"
The lawyer on the bank looked up, and shook his head glumly.
"How long you been there?" the lunatic next demanded.
"Three hours," was the answer.
The lunatic grinned hospitably, and called down an invitation:
"Come inside!" |
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LYING
The juryman petitioned the court to be
excused, declaring:
"I owe a man twenty-five dollars that I borrowed, and as he is
leaving
town to-day for some years I want to catch him before he gets to the
train and pay him the money."
"You are excused," the judge announced in a very cold voice. "I
don't
want anybody on the jury who can lie like you." |
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LUCK
The young lawyer quoted from his own
experience at poker in
illustration of
the general cussedness of things:
"Frequent, I have sot in a poker game, and it sure is queer how
things
will turn out. I've sot hour after hour in them games, without ever
takin' a pot. And then, 'long about four o'clock in the mornin', the
luck'd turn—it'd take a turn for the worse." |
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