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Stupid Men Jokes
Vol. 5
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HEREDITY
Son: "Father, do you really believe in heredity?"
Father: "Most certainly I do. That is how I came into
all my money." |
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Did you hear about the banker
who's a great
lover?
He knows first-hand the penalty
for early
withdrawal. |
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Husband:
I
don't know why
you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
Wife: You
wear briefs, don't
you?
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Student: "What I
want to know is, am I a bass or
a baritone?"
Teacher: "No—you're
not." |
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BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS
Jim: "Can you play bridge tonight?"
John: "Sorry. Going to hear some Wagner."
Jim: "What—do you like the stuff?"
John: "Frankly, no; but I've heard on the best authority
that his music's
very
much better than it sounds." |
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Foreman: "'Ow is it
that little feller always
carries two
planks to
your one?"
Laborer: "'Cos
'e's too blinkin' lazy to go back
for the
other one." |
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A DIAMOND
The Professor: A
diamond is the hardest known
substance,
inasmuch as
it will cut glass.
The Cynic: Glass!
My dear sir, a diamond will
even make an
impression
on a woman's heart. |
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Boss: "But, Jenkins,
the name of the complaint is
not
pewmonia.
Surely, you've heard me again and again say 'pneumonia'?"
Jenkins: "Well,
Sir, I 'ave; but I didn't
like to correct
you." |
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BREAKFAST
The Southern guest, directed the waiter at
his table in the hotel:
"Please bring me a Kentucky breakfast."
"An' what is that, sir?" the waiter inquired doubtfully.
The guest explained:
"Bring me a big steak, a bulldog and a quart of Bourbon whiskey."
"But why do you order a bulldog?" asked the puzzled waiter.
"To eat the steak, dummy!" snapped the guest. |
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FIGHT
During the serious fight in front of
Chinese restaurant, an old Chinese
man, owner of the restaurant, was deeply interested in the
conflict, but showed no sign of wishing to take part in it. An English
gentleman
questioned him:
"The Canadian and American men are killing one another on your
account.
Why don't you pitch in and fight yourself?"
"Has you-all ever seen two dogs fightin' over a bone?" the old man
demanded.
"Many times, of course," was the answer.
The old Chinese man chuckled as he said:
"Did you ever see de bone fight?"
"Well!—no!"
"Dat's all! I'se de bone."
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