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Stupid Men Jokes

If men got pregnant... abortion would be available in
convenience stores and drive through windows.

Jack: "I'm writing to tell Mary that I didn't mean what I said in my last letter."
Friend: "What did you say in your last letter?"
Jack: "That I didn't mean what I said in the one before."

QUESTION: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
ANSWER: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

What true friendship consists in depends on the temperament of the man who has a friend. It is related that at the funeral of Mr. Parker, who died extremely poor, the usually cold-blooded Mr. Blair was much affected.
"You thought a great deal of him, I suppose?" some one asked him.
"Thought a great deal of him? I should think I did. There was a true friend. He never asked me to lend him a cent, though I knew well enough he was starving to death."

Robert: "I think that your girlfriend has been awfully mean to you. If I were you I'd get even with her."
John: "You are right, but getting even with her won't satisfy me. I'm going to get uneven with her."

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The philosopher, on being interrupted in his thoughts by the violent cackling of a hen that had just laid an egg, was led to express his appreciation of a kind Providence by which a fish while laying a million eggs to a hen's one, does so in a perfectly quiet and ladylike manner.

The man was weak and naturally unlucky, and so he got married three times inside of a year. He was convicted and sentenced for four years. He seemed greatly relieved. As the expiration of his term grew near, he wrote from the penitentiary to his lawyer, with the plaintive query:
"Will it be safe for me to come out?"

Golfers Humor

The cook, Nora, had announced her engagement to a regular customer at the restaurant, named Mike. But a year passed and nothing was heard of the nuptials. So, one day, her boss inquired: "When are you to be married, Nora?"
"Indade, an' it's niver at all, I'll be thinkin', mum," the cook answered sadly.
"Really? Why, what is the trouble?"
The reply was explicit:
"'Tis this, mum. I won't marry Mike when he's drunk, an' he won't marry me when he's sober."