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Humor From Work Vol. 7
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FUNERAL
A business woman was leaving
a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral
procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was
followed
by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.
Behind the second hearse was
a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200
women
walking single file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She
respectfully
approached the woman walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your
loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a
funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"The woman replied, "Well, the
first
hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman
replied,"My
dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in
the
second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying
to
help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful
moment of silence passes between the two women.
"Could I borrow that dog?"
"Get in line."
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INTERVIEWER to job applicant:
"Do you think you could come up with any reason you want this job other
than your parents want you out of their house?"
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GENTLEMEN
The headwaiter
of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn
jeans
and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the
toilet?"
"Go down the hall and turn
left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked
'Gentlemen';
pay no attention to it and go right on in."
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Send
a link or joke to a friend
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When an
American Senator was traveling
down
in North Carolina, he met an old gentleman one Sunday morning. He had
known the old man for many years, so he took the liberty of inquiring
where
he was going.
"I am, Pedestrianin' my appointed way to de tabernacle of de
Lord."
"Are you an Episcopalian?" inquired Vance.
"No, sir, I can't say dat I am an Epispokapillian."
"Maybe you are a Baptist?"
"No, sir, I can't say dat I's ever been buried wid de Lord in de
waters
of baptism."
"Oh, I see you are a Methodist."
"No, sir, I can't say dat I's one of dose who hold to argyments of
de
faith of de Medodists."
"What are you, then, uncle?"
"I's a Presbyterian, sir, just de same as you are."
"Oh nonsense, uncle, you don't mean to say that you subscribe to all
the articles of the Presbyterian faith?"
"'Deed I do sir."
"Do you believe in the doctrine of election to be saved?"
"Yas, sir, I b'lieve in the doctrine of 'lection most firmly and
un'quivactin'ly."
"Well then tell me do you believe that I am elected to be saved?"
The old gentleman hesitated. There was undoubtedly a terrific struggle
going
on in his mind between his veracity and his desire to be polite to the
Senator. Finally he compromised by saying:
"Well, I'll tell you how it is, sir. You see I's never heard
of
anybody bein' 'lected to anything for what they wasn't a candidate. Has
you, sir?"
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