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Humor From Work Vol. 7


A business woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"The woman replied, "Well, the first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied,"My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.
"Could I borrow that dog?"
"Get in line."

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to job applicant: "Do you think you could come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of their house?"

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The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?" 
"Go down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen'; pay no attention to it and go right on in."


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Political Jokes
When an American Senator was traveling down in North Carolina, he met an old gentleman one Sunday morning. He had known the old man for many years, so he took the liberty of inquiring where he was going.
"I am, Pedestrianin' my appointed way to de tabernacle of de Lord."
"Are you an Episcopalian?" inquired Vance.
"No, sir, I can't say dat I am an Epispokapillian."
"Maybe you are a Baptist?"
"No, sir, I can't say dat I's ever been buried wid de Lord in de waters of baptism."
"Oh, I see you are a Methodist."
"No, sir, I can't say dat I's one of dose who hold to argyments of de faith of de Medodists."
"What are you, then, uncle?"
"I's a Presbyterian, sir, just de same as you are."
"Oh nonsense, uncle, you don't mean to say that you subscribe to all the articles of the Presbyterian faith?"
"'Deed I do sir."
"Do you believe in the doctrine of election to be saved?"
"Yas, sir, I b'lieve in the doctrine of 'lection most firmly and un'quivactin'ly."
"Well then tell me do you believe that I am elected to be saved?"
The old gentleman hesitated. There was undoubtedly a terrific struggle going on in his mind between his veracity and his desire to be polite to the Senator. Finally he compromised by saying:
"Well, I'll tell you how it is, sir. You see I's never heard of anybody bein' 'lected to anything for what they wasn't a candidate. Has you, sir?"