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Humor From Work



Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

ATTENTION

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.

By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.

The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention .... "


JOB SECURITY

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold ten percent of Arnold's wages to pay for the repairs. "How much will it cost?" asked Arnold. "About $4,500," said the owner. 
"What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. 'I've finally got job security!"

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CAREFULNESS
A journeyman plumber, was sent by his employer to the beautiful old house to repair a gas-leak in the livingroom. When the maid admitted him she said to the plumber:
"You are requested to be careful of the floors. They have just been renovited and polished."
"They's no danger iv me slippin' on thim," replied plumber. "I hov spikes in me shoes."

Chicken Talk

CARPENTERS
While building a house, Senator from Connecticut had occasion to employ a carpenter. One of the applicants was a plain Connecticut Yankee, without any frills.
"You thoroughly understand carpentry?" asked the senator.
"Yes, sir."
"You can make doors, windows, and blinds?"
"Oh, yes sir!"
"How would you make a Venetian blind?"
The man scratched his head and thought deeply for a few seconds. "I should think, sir," he said finally, "about the best way would be to punch him in the eye."

Political Jokes