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Humor About Women Vol.9
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WIDOWS
During the
course of conversation between two ladies in a
hotel
parlor one said to the other: "Are you married?" "No, I am not,"
replied the other. "Are you?"
"No," was the reply, "I, too, am on the single list," adding:
"Strange that two such estimable women as ourselves should have
been overlooked in the great matrimonial market! Now that lady,"
pointing to another who was passing, "has been widowed four times,
two of her husbands having been cremated. The woman," she
continued, "is plain and uninteresting, and yet she has them to
burn." |
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MOTHER'S
DUTY
The
public-spirited lady met the little boy on the street. Something
about his appearance halted her. She stared at him in her near-sighted
way.
LADY: "Little boy,
haven't you any home?"
LITTLE BOY: "Oh,
yes'm; I've got a home."
LADY: "And loving
parents?"
LITTLE BOY:
"Yes'm."
LADY: "I'm afraid
you do not know what love really is. Do your
parents
look after your moral welfare?"
LITTLE BOY:
"Yes'm."
LADY: "Are they
bringing you up to be a good and helpful
citizen?"
LITTLE BOY:
"Yes'm."
LADY: "Will you ask
your mother to come and hear me talk on 'When
Does a Mother's Duty to Her Child Begin?' next Saturday afternoon, at
three
o'clock, at local Church Hall?"
LITTLE BOY (explosively):
"What's th' matter with you ma! Don't
you
know me? I'm your little boy!" |
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"What is your ideal man?"
"One who is clever enough to make money and
foolish enough to spend
it!"
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SLEEP FACTOR
A few women were discussing diet
tips. When it was
mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important
as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep
was
a factor. Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time
I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping!" |
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SHE: "I consider, dear, that sheep are the stupidest
creatures living."
HE:
(absent-mindedly) —"Yes, my lamb."
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QUITE DOPEY
A nurse had to take a patient back
to her room
after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic
and
was rather confused.
After nurse had made her comfortable, she was
confronted
with four of woman friends who asked, "How is she?"
The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite dopey."
One of the friends said, "We know that, but how is she healthwise?" |
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BLACKMAIL
A blackmailer wrote the following to a
wealthy business man: "Send
me
$10,000 or I will abduct your mother-in-law."
The business man replied: "Sorry I am short
of funds, but
your
proposition interests me." |
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TAKE NO CHANCES
An undertaker telegraphed to a man that his
mother-in-law had died
and
asked whether he should bury, embalm or cremate her. The man replied,
"All
three, take no chances." |
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CHANCES
"So you have adopted a baby to raise?"
Ann asked her friend. "Well,
it may turn out all right, but don't you think you are taking chances?"
"Not a chance," she answers. "No matter how
many bad habits the child
may develop, my husband can't say baby inherits any of them from my
side of
the house." |
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HUSBANDS
"Is she making him a good wife?"
"Well, not exactly; but she's making him a good husband." |
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