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Humor About Women Vol.2
Mother to her doughter: " If you catch a man...throw him back."

INSIDE INFORMATION

A young woman was expecting twins. Her sister Joan arranged a baby pool with all family members. She asked each of family members to guess the date of arrival, weight and sex of the babies. When Joan came around her pregnant sister, she asked, "Joan, do I get to guess, too?" "No" she answered "You have inside information!" 

Question: Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? 
Answer: It means you're in the wrong house.

MESSAGE

Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."

Question: Do you know why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Answer: Because they already have boyfriends.

ON FIRST DATE

She: "What do you mean by kissing me? What do you mean?"
He: "Er—er—nothing."
She: "Then don't you dare do it again. I won't have any man kissing me unless he means business, d'ye hear?"

Jim: "I used a word in speaking to my wife which offended her sorely a week ago. She has not spoken a syllable to me since."
Henry: "Would you mind telling me what it was?"

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"You must not talk all the time, Ethel," said the mother who had been interrupted.

"When will I be old enough to, Mama?" asked the little girl.

On Kids Way

She was in an imaginative mood.

"Henry, dear," she said after talking two hours without a recess, "I sometimes wish I were a mermaid."

"It would be fatal," snapped her weary hubby.

"Fatal! In what way?"

"Why, you couldn't keep your mouth closed long enough to keep from drowning."


INFANTS
A wife after the divorce, said to her husband: "I am willing to let you have the baby half the time."
"Good!" said he, rubbing his hands. "Splendid!" "Yes," she resumed, "you may have him nights."