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Marriage & Wedding Humor Vol.5


An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." 
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
, she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

"Do you miss your husband as much as when he first went away?"
"No, I am becoming reconciled. You see he sent me a power of attorney."


During the course of conversation between two ladies in a hotel cafeteria one said to the other: "Are you married?"
"No, I am not," replied the other. "Are you?"
"No," was the reply, "I, too, am on the single list," adding: "Strange that two such estimable women as ourselves should have been overlooked in the great matrimonial market! Now that lady," pointing to another who was passing, "has been widowed four times, two of her husbands having been cremated. The woman," she continued, "is plain and uninteresting, and yet she has them to burn."

She: "Dear, our friends are having their wooden wedding next week. What can we give them?"
He: "We might send them a receipt for some of the money he owes me."


A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not wearing any of those things." 
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

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Lilly was a maidservant in the house of very wealthy senator. One day she came to her boss. "Ah would like a week's vacation, Mrs Annie," she said, in her soft southern accent; "Ah wants to be married."
Lilly had been a good worker, so her boss gave her the week's vacation, a white dress, a veil, money for wedding gift and a traditional plum cake.
Promptly at the end of the week Lilly returned, radiant. "Oh, Mrs Annie!" she exclaimed, "Ah was the mos' lovely bride! Ma dress was pcrfec', ma veil mos' lovely, the cake mos' good! An' oh, the dancin' an' the eatin'!"
"Well, Lilly, this sounds delightful," said her boss, "but you have left out the point of your story, I hope you have a good husband."
Lilly's tone changed to indignation: "Now, Mrs Annie, what yo' think? Tha' darn liar nebber turn up!"



"Father," said a little boy, "did Solomon had seven hundred wives?"
"I believe so, my son," said the father. "Well, father, was he the man who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?'"