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Real Life Humor Vol.5


The Canadian Navy was participating in celebrations for the Belgian Navy's 50th anniversary. HMCS Montreal was lading the fleet in a salute to the King of Belgium. The executive officer explained the procedure for a "cheers ship": The crew would hold their hats in front of them and circle them clockwise. Noticing some confusion, he added: "For those of you who grew up with digital watches, please ask one of the old guys which direction clockwise is."

Undercover Repair

When woman opened the lid of the washing machine to remove the clothes, she saw that the tub was still full of soapy water. 
She called the repairman to come over. After he had worked on the machine for an hour, he discovered the obstruction between the drum and the inner tub. Repairman cleaned up, made out the bill and handed it to her. It read: "Removed lady's bra." 

Father: "I should like you to have more 'good' in your report, and not always 'fair.'"
Son: " I agree, Dad. But you see, I'm an ordinary boy of ordinary parents, and that's an ordinary report."

Chicken Story

A well known New York City salesman recently married, was accompanied by his wife as he entered the dining-room of a popular Texas hotel famed for its excellent cuisine. His order was served promptly, but the fried chicken he had been telling his new wife so much about was not in evidence.

"Where is my chicken?" he asked somewhat irritably.

The dusky waiter, leaning over and bringing his mouth in close proximity to the salesman's ear, replied:

"If you mean the li'l gal with blue eyes an' fluffy hair, she is not working with us any more."

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The men were arguing as to who was the greatest inventor. One said Stephenson, who invented the locomotive. Another declared it was the man who invented the compass. Another contended for Edison. Still another for the Wrights,
Finally one of them turned to a little man who had remained silent:
"Who do you think?"
"Vell," he said, with a hopeful smile, "the man who invented interest was no slouch."

Medical Humor & Jokes

The military officer of an American regiment camping in Afganistan came across a private on the outskirts of the camp, painfully munching on something. His face was wry and his lips seemed to move only with the greatest effort.
"What are you eating?" demanded the officer.
"Persimmons, sir."
"Good Heavens! Haven't you got any more sense than to eat persimmons at this time of the year? They'll pucker the very stomach out of you."
"I know, sir. That's why I'm eatin' 'em. I'm tryin' to shrink me stomach to fit me rations."

On Kids Way