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Real Life Humor Vol.2

Daughter: "Does God make lions, Mother?"
Mother: "Yes, dear."
Daughter: "But isn't he frightened to?"

Words Of Solomon

"We will take as our text this morning," announced the absent-minded clergyman, consulting his memorandum, "the sixth and seventh verses of the thirty-first chapter of Proverbs." Never suspecting that his vivacious son and heir had found the memorandum in his study on the previous night, and, knowing that his papa had composed a sermon celebrating the increased severity of dry law enforcement, had diabolically changed the chapter and verse numerals to indicate a very different text, the absent-minded clergyman turned to the place and read aloud these words of Solomon: "Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink and forget his past poverty, and remember his misery no more."

Betty: "Mummy, does God send us our food?"
Mother: "Yes, dear; of course He does."
Betty: "But what a price!"

The Substitute

A tourist at an hotel in Ireland asked the girl who waited at the table if he could have some poached eggs.
"We haven't any eggs, sorr," she replied; then, after a moment's reflection, "but I think I could get ye some poached salmon."

Paper Tiger

They subscribe to two daily newspapers. Once, they went away for a two-week vacation and forgot to stop delivery. On their return, a neighbour told them he had taken care of the problem. "Thanks, neighbour" they said. "Did you cancel them?" "I'm no fool," he replied. "I cancelled mine." 

"Two mistakes here, waiter—one in your favor, one in mine."
"In your favor, Sir? Where?"

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"Shine yer boots, sir?"
"No," snapped the man.
"Shine 'em so's yer can see yer face in 'em?" urged the shoeshiner.
"No, I tell you!"
"Coward," hissed the shoeshiner.

Other Humor & Jokes

Oscar Wilde, upon hearing one of Whistler's bon mots exclaimed: "Oh, Jimmy; I wish I had said that!" "Never mind, dear Oscar," was the rejoinder, "you will!"

Medical Humor & Jokes

A young artist once persuaded Whistler to come and view his latest effort. The two stood before the canvas for some moments in silence. Finally the young man asked timidly, "Don't you think, sir, that this painting of mine is—well—er—tolerable?"
Whistler's eyes twinkled dangerously.
"What is your opinion of a tolerable egg?" he asked.

Political Jokes