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Real Life Humor Vol.8

Employer (inspecting a very inflated bill for work): "How on Earth did you get at this amount?"
New Worker: "Well, Sir, didn't know how you'd prefer me to charge it up, so I just charged by time."
Employer: "Oh, really! I thought you must have been charging by eternity."


In a church bulletin listing corrections  from  the Council  of  Catholic Women's cookbook, Come to the Table:
"Mom's  Meatballs - 1 litre wine should be 1 litre water. (Sorry folks!)"

Father: "Look here, Billy, Mr. Smith called at the office this morning about your fight with his boy yesterday."
Son: "Did he? I hope you got on as well as I did."

Birthday Present

Vicar's Wife: "What are you children doing in daddy's study?"
Vicar's Son (5 years): "It's a great secret, Mummy. We're giving daddy a new bible for his birthday."
Vicar's Wife: "Oh—and what are you writing in it?"
Vicar's Daughter (7 years): "Well, you see, we thought we'd better copy what daddy's friends put in the books they give him, so we're writing, 'With the author's compliments.'"

Missed Train

English Travelers in India:
"Well! we've missed that confounded train. What time will the next one be here?"
Officer: "If the engine doesn't break down, and the track doesn't spread, and they don't run into any cows, and the up-freight isn't behind time, and the swing bridge isn't open, it ought to be here in about two hours."

Idiom's Delight

One evening American family dined out with Swiss cousins, who were visiting the United Sates. When the waitress came to tie their order, one cousin cheerfully requested salad, "with the Thousand Aliens dressing, please." 

Employer: "John, I wish you wouldn't whistle at your work."
Worker: "I wasn't working, Sir; only whistling."

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Famous American senator was the guest at dinner of a solicitous hostess who insisted rather annoyingly that he was eating nothing at all, that he had no appetite, that he was not making out a meal.

Finally, senator tired out of her hospitable chatter, decided to address her in his most ponderous senatorial manner: "Madam, permit me to assure you that I sometimes eat more than at other times, but never less."

An American tourist and his wife, after their return from abroad, were telling of the wonders seen by them at the Louvre in Paris. The husband mentioned with enthusiasm a picture which represented Adam and Eve and the serpent in the Garden of Eden, in connection with the eating of the forbidden fruit. The wife also waxed enthusiastic, and interjected a remark: "Yes, we found the picture most interesting, most interesting indeed, because, you see, we know the anecdote."

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