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Real Life Humor

The only ditfference between a yard sale and a trash pick-up,
is how close to the road the stuff is placed.

Good Grief!

In a Scottish cemetery, the story goes, the following epitaph appears:
"Here lies Hamish McTavish, whose deeply sorrowing widow continues to carry on his flourishing green grocery business at 11 High Street - open daily until 8:00."

Once Upon a Mattress

A friend of mine awoke one morning to find a puddle of water in the middle of his king-size water bed. In order to fix the puncture, he rolled the heavy mattress outdoors and filled it with more water so he could locate the leakmore easily. The enormous bag of water began rolling on the hilly terrain. He tried to hold it back, but it headed downhill and landed in a clump of bushes, which poked it full of holes. Disgusted, my friend threw out the water-bed frame and moved a standard bed into his room.The next morning he awoke to find a puddle of water in the middle of the new bed. The upstairs bathroom had a leaky drain.


Outside of busy supermarket, a young clerk who was loading groceries into customers' cars, spotting some people at the nearby telephone booth, shouted in a strong Russian accent, "Not good Not good' indicating that the phone was out of order. 

Impressed with his desire to be helpful, one lady suggested that he post a notice on the booth saying something like: "Not working."  Within minutes he returned ,with a cardboard sign that he taped to the phone. It read: "No 'Job." 

Funny? It's a Scream!

We were reminiscing and were again recounting one of our favourite stories. It took place at Disney World when our children were quite young. After waiting some time, it was finally our turn to ride up into Space Mountain. I sat with two of the children in the front, and my husband, took charge of the third, who was apprehensive. It wasn't long before I heard plaintive cries of "I want to get out of here!" And for the duration of the ride, my husband struggled to keep our son in the seat. 

We chuckled every time this tale was told. However, this time our now 21-year-old finally told us the reason he had been afraid: The cars were full of people when they went inside the mountain, he heard screaming, and when the ride ended, all the cars came out empty! 

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"It was very romantic," says the friend. "He proposed to her in his brand new automobile."
"Yes?" family members murmur, encouragingly.
"And she accepted him in the hospital."


Four things belong to a judge: to hear courteously, to answer wisely, to consider soberly, and to decide impartially.—Socrates.

Law Humor

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Banker: "What is your problem, sir?"
Politician: "I warn you, Sir! The discourtesy of this bank is beyond all limits. One word more and I—I withdraw my overdraft."