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Medical Humor & Jokes Vol.3

As  she  lay  there dozing next to him, a voice inside his  head  kept  saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."
But another voice kept reminding him, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."


When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back.
"Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first aid."
The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder.
"Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."


A doctor started having an affair with his nurse, and shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and  asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.
"But, how will you know when our baby is born?" she asked.
"Well", he said, "After you've had the baby, just send me a post card and write 'sauerkraut' on the back".
Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.  Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his office. "Dear, you received a very strange post card in the mail today", she explained."I don't understand what it means!"
"Just wait till I get home and I'll read it," he replied. 
Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his postcard which said: "SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT;  TWO  WITH WIENERS, ONE WITHOUT!"

During an exciting game of football a player had two fingers of his right hand badly smashed, and on his way home from the ground he dropped into the doctor's to have them attended to.
"Doctor," he asked, anxiously. "When this hand of mine heals, will I be able to play the piano?"
"Certainly you will," the doctor assured him.
"Then you're a wonder, doctor. I never could before."

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Doctor (at door, to butler): Tell your master the doctor is here.

Butler: The master is in great pain, sir. He is receiving nobody.



The new vicar was paying a visit amongst the patients in the local hospital. When he entered Ward No. 2, he came across a pale-looking man lying in a cot, heavily swathed in bandages. There he stopped, and after administering a few words of comfort to the unfortunate sufferer, he remarked in cheering tones:
"Never mind, my man, you'll soon be all right. Keep on smiling; that's the way in the world."
"I shall never smile again," replied the youth, sadly.
"Nonsense!" ejaculated the vicar.
"There ain't no nonsense about it!" exclaimed the other, heatedly. "It's through smiling at another chap's girl that I'm here now."

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